


two-dude romance

by apocalypticTaco



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Comfort, Communication, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, POV Karkat Vantas, ooo we getting cheesy here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:13:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25674124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apocalypticTaco/pseuds/apocalypticTaco
Summary: "Like, this. This is stupid. We’re here, chilling, just two dudes getting their romance on. No- stop- don’t laugh, fuck you. That’s a normal thing to say.”“I didn’t say anything, KK.”“Exactly.”“Because we’re getting our two-dude romance on.”“Shut! Up! Shut up!”-Karkat mistakes Sollux's attempts to flirt as deflective banter, and forgets he can just ask for clarification.Or a kiss. That works too.
Relationships: Sollux Captor/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 30
Kudos: 116





	two-dude romance

**Author's Note:**

> authors very important sincere note: tortris is troll torture tetris

A thought hits you like a gust of cold wind in the middle of the day, catching your lazy ass unawares from where you lounge on the splaysac.

This whole situation is stupid.

“This is stupid.”

“What is?” Sollux snorts, reaching up to ruffle your hair. You look down to where his bony head is cushioned on your lap, palmhusk abandoned next to him. Sounds like Tortris isn’t as fun as it seems, huh? Fucking smug ass loser.

Or, you know, maybe he cares about you enough to put down any on-hand distractions to pay attention to whatever blabber comes out of your mouth, but that’s one _hell_ of a stretch. You’ve had to physically wrestle him out of his chair to get some ramen into his dumpster of a digestion system before, so what makes _this_ so special?

Which leads you to your point.

“Like, this. This is stupid. We’re here, chilling, just two dudes getting their romance on. No- stop- don’t laugh, fuck you. That’s a normal thing to say.”

“I didn’t say anything, KK.”

“Exactly.”

“Because we’re getting our two-dude romance on.”

“Shut! Up! Shut up!” _God,_ how infuriating can one troll be? You feel _allergic_ to him. “Anyway, back to the point. Nothing particularly out of place in this situation, except for the fact that there definitely _is_ something out of place!”

“Elaborate.”

Okay. He’s listening. Now’s your chance to not fuck this up like an incompetent shitmuncher who can’t get his feelings through because they’re simply too much to ask for. This is a relationship; Relationships require communication. Right.  
(What the fuck, you’re in a _relationship._ With your longtime best friend and mutual aggravator who spears you through the bloodpusher with all types of feelings which you don’t think you’re ready to face yet.)

“Fuck, where do I even start- This. Okay, take right now, for example: I’m here on this splaysac, you’re in my lap, and we’re good, right? But how the fuck did we even get into this position?”

“Simple. I asked, and you said yes.” Sollux raises an eyebrow, as if to say _duh. Idiot._

“Yeah, but how fucking often does that happen? How often is it that you just ask me for shit, and then I’m like ‘okay, this can’t possibly end disastrously,’ and it _works?_ Or like, Mother Grub fucking forbid, we say shit with less than three layers of bullshittery in front of genuine intent for fucking once?” You wave your hands off to the side of you. You’re trying to make a _point_ here.

“All the time? KK, what-”

“What I’m trying to say is, I don’t know, _maybe_ it would be nice if shit like this happened more often. Sue me for wanting to be affectionate without having to create acrobatic leaps over the hurdles we throw in between.”

Sollux looks like he was left alone in the murderwoods with no idea of where to go. “You lost me, dude.” Ugh. Were you not fucking clear?

“To get it through that sloshing pan of yours, what I _mean_ is that-”

“No, no I heard you. But I think what you need to get through your pan was that this was nothing _new_ to me. Did you seriously think that everything I said was like a joke to you?”

Uh. Were they not? “Oh, like I won’t hear you say some bold shit like ‘I feel so _hurt_ , pwease kiss me better KK,’ while you’re stupidly bending over backwards in your stupid gamer chair with a stupid smirk on your face, and _now_ you’re saying you were being fuckall genuine-“

“I _meant_ that, you dense motherfucker. I meant all of it, dude, come on- you know I don’t lie often.” What? No fucking way.

“Often, not always! I thought you meant I was your legislacerator’s honking clown pile of a special case.”

He’s shaking now, desperately trying to hold in a laugh. For what reason, you don’t know. But he halfheartedly covers his smile with a hand like he’s got a secret to tell, and you hate how fluttery it makes you feel. “Is that it? You want us to be clearer about what- a kiss? A little smooch?”

“Oh, fuck _off-_ “

“A hug? Because you thought I’ve just been batting you around like a meowbeast this entire time?” _God_ , you wish you could know what it takes to wipe that smug fucking _look_ off his face.

You jab a finger at him. “Look here, you smarmy shitstump, I don’t know what’s so funny about this but-”

“It’s _funny_ because you’ve been getting the _entirely_ opposite impressions from me this whole time, KK, holy shit, just- shut the fuck up for a few seconds and I’ll love you forever, okay.” Sollux knocks shoulders with you- ow, bony much- and if you could comedically stumble ass backwards from the emotional whiplash, you would.  
Unfortunately, your ass has been resting in its self-made indent for the past few hours, and is practically fused to where you lie. You do, however, gawk and stare: a formidable tactic to let your partner in crime and all other stupid things know if he even _heard_ the fucking words that came out of his mouth. You also pretend to not have let out the most embarrassing wriggler squeak in the history of Alternia. Hopefully he didn’t hear that.

You clear your throat, trying to compose yourself. “Solluxander Fucking Captor, do you even pay _attention_ to the shit you say, or are your lack of mental filters proportional to how much ass you have-“

“Seriously. Shut up.”

You shut up.

“I don’t know what got into your pan to make you think that me asking you for a hug was a personal taunt on all of your flaws, but I really did mean all of it. Most of it, I guess, if I’m really giving you some credit, but still. Aggravating you until you kick your little feet and throw a tantrum is fun and all, but doing it the entire time feels like it loses authenticity.” Sollux shrugs, and you scoff. Little feet. Fun. _Authentithitty._ “Honestly, I just thought you were being shy. You know if you wanted something, you could just ask, right?”

Fuck. Fuck. You don’t know what to say to that. Why did that never occur to you?

Wow.

You guess just _asking_ sounded kind of lame to you. Like hey everybody, check out this needy loser who wants more than what he was given! Let’s all gather around this pathetic wriggler and point and laugh.

Maybe you’re overthinking this. Are you delving too deep? You are. Fuck.

Sollux’s snickers break apart your thoughts. Sounds like he deduced what he needed to during your silence.

“Lol, KK, I can’t fucking believe you never thought to ask. Does that mean your whole tirade back there was to tell only _me_ to communicate? Hypocrite. I feel so special, actually.” He giggles. “We should do this more often.” He smiles at you, fangs showing, and your gut drops in conflicted feelings that go about as well together as faygo and spoiled milk.

(He’s cute.) (Is he making fun of you?)

Your thoughts sour, bubbling up into a hurtful stew that you force yourself to swallow down. After you were finally starting to get somewhere, Sollux steps back and pulls your leg again. Typical. Usually, you would banter back, accuse him of his immaturity and tell him where he can shove his unoriginal disses, but. You’re just kind of hurt, right now.

“Is this some kind of sick, gruelingly hilarious joke to you?”

“It’s not. We should do this more often.”

“Goddammit, just- Stop it! Stop that and just be _serious_ for _once in our miserable lives_.”

“I _am_ serious.” Sollux sighs, tilting his head. “Do you really not believe me?”

“How _can I_ , when you just crack a joke like that right after you said something actually poignant and thoughtful like this whole conversation is a passing thought to you?”

“It’s not.”

“Is it?”

“Wow.”

“Is it really? Or are-“

He kisses you.

Sollux Captor presses his soft, chapped lips against your cheek, and leans over to gently cup your other cheek with his hand. They’re kind of rough, from the way he always gnaws at them. And yet, your bloodpusher stutters to a measly stop.

And you sigh, and melt.  
When he pulls away, you tug him back, tucking your head under his neck and hugging him close. For someone so fucking pointy, he’s not bad to cuddle with. Sollux sighs, draping his arms over your shoulders in turn.

“Do you get it now? Have you stopped being such a self-flagellatory pisslicker?” You elect not to answer; he knows, anyway. It’s surprising, how often you forget that Sollux knows almost everything there is to know about you.

“Look, KK,” he strokes your hair. “I’m sorry I can’t sound any more earnest than I already am. That’s a jackass move, but it’s true. I just sound like this.”

“A gargling soup of stale Maultain Dew and controllers, you mean.”

“I think I sound like honey, but sure. Whatever floats your buoyancy vessel. This is just something that you have to get used to, because you’re making it a big deal like you always do.” Ouch. Rude much? Well, he’s right, but it’s not like he has to announce it for every nosy fuck to hear.

“Besides,” Sollux continues, “if I ever get too confusing for your teeny tiny stature to parse over you can literally just ask. Two percent of the time, I’ll say I’m joking.” Hm.

You lean back, flipping his glasses up into his hair. Maybe if you get to see him eye to eye, you can tell if he’s lying. “And the other 98 percent?”

“I’ll say that I do want to do sappy shit with you. Holding _hands,_ you know, the works. I’m only out to get your ass half of the time.”  
“And you mean it.”

Sollux hums in affirmation. “I’ll say it twice over if I have to for your pathetic ass only. I hope you feel special.”

…He means it. He does.  
Accepting it feels like opening up a whole new doorway to new heights. Scary, sure, but worth it for the twinge of a thrill.

“Just a little,” you reconcile. You lean further back, until you’re lying down on his lap and he’s looking down at you with what could hesitantly be considered fondness.

Huh. You just switched places throughout this entire thing. That’s really cheesy.

Your blush must show on your face, because Sollux starts smirking again and leans down closer to you. Which, honestly, makes matters on your face quite worse. You huff.

“Got something to say? I won’t judge, promise.” His smile is equal parts menacing and endearing. You care about him so much. Maybe it’s time you try trusting him some more as well. You hesitate, raising an eyebrow. Sollux raises one back.  
“Are we still friends?”  
“Duh, idiot.”

It takes all your energy to avoid grimacing. “…Could you kiss me again?” Ew. It _does_ sound lame, saying it out loud. And yet, Sollux smiles, wide and smug and toothy and brighter than the moon and sun and the spark of his psiionics in the lonely dark, and complies.

Your lips meet. Briefly, you wonder if there’s anything the entire galaxy might have that you can’t find sitting next to him on the dawn of a cool morning.

* * *

The next night, you find Sollux nursing a bee sting, wincing and solemnly apologizing to his hive. Serves him right for not watching where he’s going; the bee ends up fine, anyway. It’d be silly if they just died after a single sting. Sollux complains the entire time you pull the stinger out, and you tell him to shut his trap if he’s going to continue being a sourfooted wriggler about the tiniest fragments of pain. He tells you to make him, and you contemplate shoving him into a corner while the conversation from yesterday swirls around in your mind.

You decide to kiss him quiet, and his smile is a good enough indicator that you’re learning.

**Author's Note:**

> jfkdl;jsaflsaf im so tired but sometimes you just have to speedrun an overly cheesy oneshot because its the only thing holding you together sometimes you know?? anyway this was barely proofread sorry for any typos but i hope you enjoyed please like comment (please) and subscribe


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